Is this a ghost I see before me?

Who’s watching Shara? Nobody’s watching Shara.

Pushy gargoyles and mind bullets!

Welcome to the Umber Hulk Speakeasy.

Do NOT open that door.

Shara opens doors. And closes them.

Eglath’s Angels are back! Remember the bloody sands of Athas? When we last left Carlos, Katchka, Omlol, Shara, Regdar, and Zotasha, they had just discovered the devastation evil cultists wrought on the town of Freedom. Will they catch the cultists? Certainly not in this episode!

Sometimes shows throw around phrases like “thrilling conclusion” just to drum up listeners. Here at TPK, when we say it, we mean it. Not only do we discover who’s the murderer on the Eberron Express, but…some other truly thrilling stuff happens!

As the Eberron Express speeds toward its destination, the passengers dig up more dirt on each other, find more clues, and make more terrible train puns.

On a train to Fairhaven, Egan Bakker is murdered with his own newly created gun! Whodunnit? An assorted group of fellow travellers must figure out which one of them pulled the trigger and why. A whole bunch of shady backgrounds start to come to light in the first instalment of this murder mystery!

Our time in Whitesparrow concludes with a final confrontation with the legendary assassin Gloom inside a spooky temple! Will it end in violence, or will diplomacy prevail?

A young man has been murdered! Four adventurers might be suspects! It’s time to call in Gwyndielle the Cleric, a veteran of our very first Whitesparrow adventure, to solve the case and close up the series! What is the secret of the assassin known as Gloom? What’s lurking inside Magnet Rock, deep in the bog? And who has the highest armor class and the most hit points? Mysteries all, some of them answered in this very episode!

Happy SHOCKTOBER, everyone! To celebrate the spooky season we bring you a new, extra-long, high-level campaign. Some familiar faces (and one new one!) attempt that classic, deadly adventure, Tomb of Horrors. Will Ch’omasa, Daffné, L’nell, and Thald survive the Tomb? Will they even get in? Will they have to come back in a year to continue the adventure? Maaayyyybe!

A new group of adventurers are brought together by a shockingly violent act that strikes at the heart of Whitesparrow! Why are assassins threatening Lord Whitesparrow’s family and servants? How could a legendary assassin, a name not spoken of in decades, be involved? And will anyone in Whitesparrow be interested in taking sorcery lessons from the Lizard Folk? Off we go into the final Whitesparrow adventure!

Ahlan, Diendo, Gwyrven, Keloth, and Not A Dragon discover just how easy it is to join a cult! This crew is going to wrap up the adventure one way or another. But will it be by defeating the cult from within? Unleashing terrible evil? Or both?

What will Ahlan, Diendo, Gwyrven, Keloth, and Not A Dragon find in the mysterious, guarded tower? Will it be worth it? Listen to find out!

The Cult of what now? Ahlan, Diendo, Gwyrven, Keloth, and Not A Dragon aren’t quite sure, but they’re gonna try to find out. New crew, new mission, new cult!

After a break, some of our adventurers return to the Red Water dam to try an alternate path to defeat the Queen and her goblins and restore water to Whitesparrow! But what is the fate of Samson Jothem’s robot panda, Pascal?

Is it the final confrontation with the Queen of the Red Water Cult? Who is that prisoner in the corner? Is he friend or foe? For answers to questions such as these, listen to this episode.

Our motley crew of (mostly) inexperienced adventurers continues their search for the source of the mysterious Queen of Red Water by murdering some goblins and impersonating other ones. Once again, we’ll make you empathize with the NPCs right before we kill (most of) them.

Everyone’s favorite nightmare monster K’ronng returns for adventure with a whole new cast of characters. Can two High Elves, a Dwarf, and an Aasimar join with everyone’s favorite Bugbear rogue to solve the mystery of a terrible drought that’s plaguing the farmers around Whitesparrow? Probably! The adventure begins here.

Will beloved new NPC friend Bh’izz live to start a warlock school for his son? Or will Samson Jothem, K’ulkat, Etheline Karena Kenyatta, K’ronng, and Gwyndielle allow him to die horribly? Find out in this thrilling conclusion to The Flesh Eaters!

A new party (with some returning characters) boldly strides toward adventure. And dumplings! And kaghhfeezzzz! Samson Jothem, K’ulkat, Etheline Karena Kenyatta, K’ronng, and Gwyndielle trek through a swamp and sample the local brew.

It’s another extra-long episode with an entire adventure for your listening pleasure. On their way back from The Crashed Palace, Ch’omasa, Li, Quewaris, Ried Quarrell Kilgarriff, and Thamia make a new friend — a sheep!

[That’s two enormous episodes in a row. We’re taking next week off.]

An entire adventure in one extra-long episode? That’s what you get when you have a super-competent party that includes Thamia, Quewaris, Reid-Quarrell Kilgarriff, Ch’omasa, and Li!

Can Carrocon the Wise, Ch’omasa, K’ulkat, K’ronng, Reid-Quarrell Kilgarriff, and Samson Jothem, and an overpowered panda construct defeat the undead ancestors of Lord Marlin Whitesparrow? Or will they just take up residence in the convenient tomb? Find out in the exciting conclusion to this delightful mini-adventure!

Carrocon the Wise, Ch’omasa, K’ulkat, K’ronng, Reid-Quarrell Kilgarriff, and Samson Jothem, and a possibly overpowered panda construct continue their tour of Lord Whitesparrow’s basement. And make a new friend?

A new combination of champions steps into a gladiatorial ring. What will Carrocon the Wise, Ch’omasa, K’ulkat, K’ronng, Reid-Quarrell Kilgarriff, and Samson Jothem get if they win? Gold? Dinner? The chance for More Adventure? All of the above? (Yes. It’s all of the above.)

It’s a battle in a giant tree with fire, goblins, bugbears, acrobatic archers, and… say, have you ever seen a Goliath do a slam dunk?

This episode has dead goblins, fake goblins, fake reunions with real live goblins, and a sinister puppetmaster at the heart of it all. “Rosethorn” continues with explosive action and surprising heart! Or is that explosive heart and surprising action? One of those.

Are two monks better than one? With Li and Diendo trying to figure out what a mysterious elf has to do with the recent spate of wagon heists in Whitesparrow, we may find out! Joined by Quewaris, O’Lee, L’nel, and Thamia, our adventurers split up to search for clues, visit a few familiar merchants (but don’t seem to meet any maniacs), and perform a switcheroo on a suspect’s packing cubes.

What happens when a few adventurers get in the way of a heist? Find out in “Rosethorn!” Adventurers Quewaris, O’Lee, Li, Thamia, L’nel and Diendo discover that bear traps can be as dangerous as any dragon, if your level is low enough!

Getting back into the light is good, but our party—Samson Jothem, Thamia, Li, K’ulkat, and Quewaris—hasn’t gotten to the bottom of the problems in the local mine. Who is turning miners into monsters? The mine is opening in one day. There’s not a lot of time to solve the mystery!

Two bards, an artificer, a monk, and a fighter are lowered into a mine in a basket. They meet a monster and then hide behind a basket! Will they survive, flee to the surface, or get melted into skeletons?

Samson Jothem, Thamia, Li, K’ulkat, and Quewaris—wait, who let two bards into this adventure?—venture outside of Whitesparrow to a mining town that’s being vexed by strange attacks, both on the surface and down in the mine. There’s a big reward awaiting them if they can get to the bottom of it!

K’ronng, K’ulkat, Ch’omasa, Samson Jothem, and Diendo Fatrabbit have pursued the wild animal attacks back to their source—an ill-fated expedition into an ancient Dwarven treasure trove! There’s gold to be won, but can the adventurers—some of them horribly poisoned—find a way to stop the source of the strange animal attacks happening in the countryside?

Dire Wolves roam the streets of Whitesparrow! Adventurers K’ronng, K’ulkat, Ch’omasa, Samson Jothem, and Diendo Fatrabbit are enjoying a nice day at the pub, but it’s all ruined by a spectacularly unlikely wildlife attack. Where did these crazed creatures come from? (The giant hand at the center of Whitesparrow is probably not involved.)

Gwyndielle, Thamia, Quewaris, Carrocon, and Li have uncovered the home of the bandits known as the Night Blades. Can they infiltrate the organization and figure out its secrets? They seem like they’d be good at infiltration, right? Right?

Gwyndielle, Thamia, Quewaris, Carrocon, and Li have dispatched some bandits, but so many questions remain! Has the Night Lord truly returned? Or is someone marketing their banditry with his name? Everyone stop looking at the hand and try to figure this one out, okay?

A new season of adventures! A group of bandits bearing an infamous name threatens the town of Whitesparrow. Can five strangers—Gwyndielle, Thamia, Quewaris, Carrocon, and Li—help out the local sheriff and restore order? It’s possible, if they’re not too distracted by the giant hand at the edge of town.

The battle with Baba Lysaga reaches its thrilling conclusion — along with this season of Total Party Kill.

Imra unplugs a house. Pony goes home. Bruldish steps up.

A house walks into a burning ring of fire.

Elavor talks to snakes. It’s grosser than it sounds.

Elavor talks to goats. Crucible and Imra talk to a ghost.

Scarecrows, a green light, and some goats.

Elavor gets a wine bottle and a new hat!

How do you talk to an angel? It is like trying to catch a falling star? It might be more like singing.

Irena takes a swim. Elavor asks a mysterious character to dance.

Finally! Krezk!

The gang fights another evil tree, an… Aspen Assassin Balsa wood baddie Coniferous Cad Dogwood devil Evergreen evildoer Fearsome Fir Gruesome grove Hemlock horror Ignoble Ironwood Jungle jackal Kumquat kanji Loathsome larch Maple malefactor Nasty Needle Oak Offender Pugnacious Palm Quick Quince Redwood rascal sylvan scoundrel Truculunt Teak Uncouth Undulate Vulgar Vine Wicked willow Extreme xerophyte Yowling Yucca Zany Zebrawood

The gang fights an evil tree. Or rather, a Wicker Strahd.

A Wunderhorse vs four heese on a hill!

The gang finds a really, really, really big hill. Another party member gets a blood-related magic item.

The fight against the blights and druids continues, and Elavor gets a bleeding stick.

The Dog & Pony crew meets some jerkface druids and their blighted pets.

The Dog & Pony gang go on a winery tour!

Elavor learns why he should trust the birds, and the gang heads off in search of wine.

Silver-forging montage!

Did you say elevator? Or Elavor?

Lina has a dance-off with a door.

So. Many. Wolves.

It’s finally time to leave Vallaki! But first, a touching(?) family reunion.

The Dog & Pony Show returns, and it’s still Shocktober! What’s spookier than Barovia? A spooky, cluttered attic in Barovia. Spookier than that? A spooky, cluttered attic populated by skeletal cats! EVEN SPOOKIER? A stroppy teenage wizard and his “students”.

Our second run through “A Night in Seyvoth Manor” comes to an end. What’s in the flesh book? What surprise do the Mystery Wagon gang have in store for the vampiric dealmaster, Malthus Seyvoth? Will resurrected monster Henry find love with his vampire girlfriend? Some of your questions may be answered!

A fleshy tome and a magic circle suggest a deal with a demon could be near. And pizza rolls might not be far behind. But if you’ve already made a deal with a vampire, does a demon deal define double dealing? Look, we’ve been at this a long time and it’s almost over. But not quite yet.

When we last left the Scüpy Gang, they were entering the lair of villanous Count Mathus Seyvoth, who might be a vampire or maybe an umpire. 11 months later, it’s time to throw open the doors and discover the horrors—and great deals!—that await inside. Will our adventurers be able to resist the hard sell? And can a Zone of Truth spell really stop a master salesman?

Will Dragonforge and all his associates make it out of Undermountain alive? Or will they die in bat-tle? Find out in this thrilling season finale!

Dungeon, check. Dragon, check. That means we’re done, right?

What do you mean, “elevator shaft full of bats”?

Dragonforge and Associates fulfil their contractural duty to encounter a dragon in a dungeon. Finally.

The mage hand is key.

Welcome to The Chamber of Blood!

N F T C

W L H Z

I J K R

V Q M B

W T F

Flessa plays with rubies. Riswynn plays with water.

It’s the final countdown! For Pieter. And maybe others!

This remake of that Sarah McLachlan song went to some dark places.

A new room. A new fight. A new…log?

Dragonforge & Associates are back! They’re still playing 4th edition. They’re still in/under Undermountain. They’re still mid-battle. They’re still looking for a couple of rubies. And they still haven’t found Rutherford Urmbrusk.

To celebrate our 250th episode, we take a break from playing and ask Scott, Dan, and Tony to answer listener questions!

The Dog & Pony gang ends the season with a festival full of rain, a room full of dolls, an attic full of junk, and a door full of lightning!

Never split the party! Unless you’re going to do some chores and take a furtive walk around town.

A shopping trip, afternoon tea, and a polite murder request. Happily, no flesh bag. Sadly, no book club.

What’s in the bag?!?

This episode is kind of like “Hansel and Gretel,” except there’s a bag made of human skin.

Three witches and a windmill.

Viral marketing, Barovia style.

These windows could use a little more garlic.

Our adventurers are off to scenic Valaki, and in the bar of the Bluewater Inn they meet some Very Interesting People.

Everyone loves a good boat trip.

We’re on the road to Valaki. Don’t go inside the windmill.

Pick a card, any card.

Which are worse, wolves or capybaras?

What’s the right protocol for burying a vampire?

In Barovia, it’s traditional to have a pool party for the dead.

It’s implied that you swapped urine. That’s what friendship means.

The Dog and Pony Show returns! With the same dog… but a new pony. And new players! And a new DM! Please enjoy this trip to a tavern in Little Borovia, and watch Tony die a little bit inside in the service of Dungeons and Dragons.

In this episode, our adventure comes to its end. A while ago, the Adventurers’ Pyramid installed Calcryx the white dragon as the ruler of the Sunless Citadel, with Meepo as its right-hand kobold. Unintended consequences can be tough. Will the adventurers escape with their lives and their treasure? If they can, they’re definitely going to make the front page of the next issue of Oakhurst & Beyond!

It’s good to learn things. Where does the Hobgoblin fit in the hierarchy of D&D monsters? If you’re killed by an arrow, does the second arrow really do damage? And how much blood can spill out of the bodies of unconscious adventurers who were just trying to get back to the surface and claim their reward? Also: Meet Bobgoblin the Hobgoblin!

Our adventurers have begun their trek back to the surface! But they’ve left so much destruction in their wake… and now they may have to pay the price. (Also, Furian’s curiosity gets the better of him.)

The boss battle concludes! The frog is dead! The tree lies in ruins! But not everyone will make it out alive! Who will survive? Those who remain will get an exciting trip to… Level 3!

This is it! The beginning of the end! Our party enters battle with the evil druid, his monstrous tree, his two plant-zombie thralls, his twig blight army, and most importantly, his giant purple frog!

Hobgoblins and twig blights and frogs, oh my!

Yes, the underground gardens of the Sunless Citadel are a beauty to behold, especially if you’re a fungi enthusiast researching for the Great Bugbear Bake-Off. But these ancient statues from a dragon-worshipping cult are just creepy.

Our group’s meeting with Balsag Rogruk Bugbear is not going well. But have no fear, a park bench and an underground garden party are just around the corner.

Does a pile of skeletons make a park bench? How fast is a rat at both moving and dying? Why should you never disturb a fire snake’s hole? Our adventurers learn the answers to all of these questions, and then get off on the wrong foot with a new acquaintance.

The Adventurers’ Pyramid, having killed many goblins, now faces the wrath of Durn, their Hobgoblin boss. Can diplomacy save the day? Can Meepo? Can anything?

Furian opens a door.

You’ve seen the dungeons, but what about the dragons? Our first-level adventurers get what they asked for in this episode, as they encounter Karylax, the ice dragon wormling. Will he welcome back his old companion Meepo, or does he view our party’s Kobold sidekick as an enemy? Only one way to find out!

Tragedy at the archery range! Can anyone save Meepo? Will an assortment of goblins pay the ultimate price? And what’s through that next door? (Hint: Probably more goblins.)

With all the rats finally dispatched, it’s time to switch all our attention to Goblins! Will the Adventurers’ Pyramid be charming enough to talk their way past another collection of Goblin guards and invite them out to drinks after work on a Thursday? Or will it be death for Meepo the Kobold?

Who wants to kill a Rat Queen? It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to leap into the fray and become the meat in a rat sandwich. Is Max up for the job?

It’s time for the podcast that asks the question, “Why are there rats?” In this episode, Max discovers a fountain with a creepy inscription. Also our team meets—and kills—a whole lot of rats. Dungeon fun!

Max and Nox concoct a plan to fool a bunch of goblins. A surprisingly tall goblin guard makes an appearance. Many deception rolls are attempted. Can nonviolence really work, or is it all a folly? The dice rolls will reveal all!

How many rats does it take to get to the center of a Sunless Citadel? Our adventurers find out, and then learn some important lessons about the dynamics of Kobold culture.

Our new adventurers are about to face their first combat situation, as a group of giant rats attack the party. Who will survive unscathed and who will be bathed in their own blood?

Our adventurers visit a mansion to receive an assignment, participate in a team-building exercise, and climb down a rope into a subterranean gulf of darkness.

We begin a new TPK season with an almost entirely new collection of players! In the small town of Oakhurst, many adventurers are gathering. Is there trouble on the horizon? Probably! Does the town’s local newspaper have a surprisingly broad circulation? Seemingly! Does that demon lady really think her weasel is a fox? Possibly! Step inside the tavern and get ready for some Dragonborn rock and roll.

The end of Shocktober 2019 is in sight, but rather than taking on the evil Lord Seyvoth directly, our adventurers have chosen to mop up a bunch of side quests, with the help of speed, steroids, and other questionable substances. IT ALL ENDS HERE! UNTIL NEXT YEAR!

At long last Scüp and the gang have reached the top floor of Seyvoth Manor! But there are some puzzles to solve and sheet music to obtain before this adventure can reach its conclusion…

So many creepy mansion rooms for the Mystery Wagon gang to explore, so little time! How will they keep Fluffy and Henry from drinking from a blood fountain? What’s the message that a ghost in a mirror has to impart, and does it involve amazing bargains on mirrors? And Henry grapples with returning memories of his life before death. But in a spooky way because he’s a Fantasy Canadian Frankenstein Monster now!

As Shocktober 2019 continues, Scüp and the gang continue fleeing a necrotic vortex, and then explore Seyvoth Manor’s equally spooky attic! Will this adventure continue to teach our players that books are dangerous? Probably!

We return to our spooky second run-through of A Night in Seyvoth Manor, with a somewhat familiar, but legally distinct, set of characters. It’s time to venture up to the second floor of the house! Will Fluffy drink something else magical and poisonous? And will those stuffed bears the characters keep finding help defuse a tense situation with a g-g-g-ghost? Find out as SHOCKTOBER 2019 begins!

Enda the Rogue has been found at last! But there’s a task Dragonforge & Associates must perform before they can return to the hunt for Rutherford Urmbrusk. What could go wrong?

[Dragonforge & Associates will return in 2020. For the next five weeks, we return to Seyvoth Manor for SHOCKTOBER 2019 and then a new adventure premieres.]

This battle is the pits! No, really, there are two pits. Our adventurers use acrobatics, hypnosis, and arrows to attempt to subdue far-off enemies.

Dragonforge and Associates are reunited, and it feels so good. Also, it turns out putting your wizard in front of the party is not a smart move.

We are starting a new TPK campaign and will be playing it live on weeknights just for Incomparable members. There’s a trailer for the campaign at the beginning of this episode. Visit our membership page to sign up and get access to live streams, video replays, audio bootlegs, and even final edited episodes months before anyone else gets to see us play. And you’ll be supporting our DMs and players!

What’s the difference between a real alligator and a fake chicken? It’s an important lesson, but not as important as remembering not to touch the mushrooms.

Ask not for whom the scythe swings—it swings for thee. There’s also an unpleasant amount of vomit, and an even more unpleasant amount of snakes!

Statue mimics! Alligators! Spiderwebs! What could go wrong?

Crocodiles. Why’d it have to be crocodiles.

Robot scorpion or not? How could a scummy pool be dangerous? Why are statues so terrifying? Very few of these questions are answered!

The other half of Dragonforge and Associates slowly unburies itself, meets two strangers, and then has some fairly typical sewer problems.

Rocks fell! Everyone maybe didn’t die! But who is left alive and awake from Dragonforge and Associates? Also, why does that lizard person look so familiar?

This room is really big. Our adventurers continue to battle rogues and scoundrels and possibly there might also be some lizard people around? There’s a lot going on. And stay tuned for the exciting cliffhanger ending!

This episode covers all facets of the underworld of Undermountain—scoundrels, kneebreakers, and grifters. Our adventurers try to rescue an urchin! And what would a Dragonforge adventure be without some Ding Dongs?

Have you heard the good news about lycanthropy? Our adventurers visit with their new friends in the werewolf cult, who are very interested in signing up some new recruits. Also, our party gets its dwarf back! Shh, stop cheering, she’s got a really bad headache.

Which is better, diplomacy or intimidation? This episode might reveal the answer! And then we flip the map and spend a lot of time pondering the Z axis as our adventurers climb down a giant statue. What’s at the bottom? Nothing good, that’s for sure.

Proving that Tony thinks that no D&D adventure is complete without a trip to the sewers, our adventurers once again trudge through the sewers. Will Pieter fall in the sludge again? Will Olestran forget to mark something as his quarry? And are those rats, or giant rats?

Watch out Undermountain, because the best team of adventurers-slash-sandwich shop promoters is back on the case! Dragonforge and Associates are still on their quest to find Rutherford Umbrusk, and the latest lead in the case takes them to the seediest part of Waterdeep to bargain with some questionable characters. How will they mess this one up? Listen to find out!

This mini-season of Eglath’s Angels concludes with a deadly vampire battle, a powerful wizard, and a talking hammer.

Johnny Nine is alive! Our friends and their newfound Golem navigate turnstiles, boiling mud, and darkness. What’s in the darkness, and why does it want to hug Eglath’s Angels… to death?

Three dummies smash orbs in a locked room. Three bored adventurers wait in a hallway. Then there’s a riddle involving a flesh golem.

Our mini-season of Eglath’s Angels continues with a series of curious decisions. Flesh golems? No thank you! Creepy room full of suspended colored orbs? Yes please! And why do a dumb thing once when you can do it twice?

Eglath’s Angels return! Your original crew of TPK knuckleheads is back, but they’re not on Athas anymore. In this special mini-season, they’ve been swept onto a different plane, where they’ll play in a classic D&D module! But first, Carlos attacks a tree.

In the thrilling conclusion to Dungeon Crawl Classics, the world’s foremost experts in elevators try to unlock the secrets of a strange new weapon and fight an ant man. Will they discover the truth about what lies in the heart of the glacier? Should Monty buy new dice? And what strange fate awaits our cave people?

Our first generation of characters is dwindling! Which villagers will step up to the task, and how many caveman bodies will they have to step over to join our party? Doors will be opened! Lizards will be kicked! Art will be appreciated! And a legally-distinct enemy will have our adventurers desperate to roll something higher than a ten.

Meet Chuck the Dwarf! He’s a flintknapper extraordinaire who’s going to help lead the party through more underground tubes than they’ve ever seen before. Plus, you won’t believe what kind of security system this glacier has!

An entire cave-dwelling village is mobilized to find the cause of mysterious smoke coming from the local mountain! Tony Sindelar DMs a new crew of characters as they journey from Hither to Yon. It’s a rip-roaring good time!

This is it, people! The season finale finds our adventurers up against a terrifying black dragon after literally no preparation or strategic planning. Will they survive to reunite the dog with the pony?

The Dog and Pony team finally investigate the forge, then traverse a chain ladder into the depths of the caves. Ladders and bridges take a long time to figure out. After all that trouble, they’re rewarded with something much worse than they expected.

Now that Spurious knows how his go-to spell actually works, he puts it to serious, fatal use. Then the team goes on a wild Duergar chase that leads to a bathroom, a closet, and a secret tunnel. This party is really really bad at secret doors.

Our intrepid (or maybe just tepid) adventurers continue to explore the old Dwarven ruins. How many adventurers does it take to read a scroll? The answer is too many.

In the life of every party there comes a time to make a gruesome decision about how to defeat one’s foes. Though not every party can notice a rug and a suit of armor, but fail to notice an entire room full of corpses.

What happens when you ignore a warning sign? A really long, scary battle! But if you live through it, you just might finally get a long rest. And maybe meet a ggg-ghost!

The Dog and Pony gang investigate the forge, and learn some important lessons: Do not trust furniture, but do trust literal warning signs.

Bruldish fights with her cousins, and we see a whole new side of Elavor. But will the adventurers ever find the forge?

How many adventurers does it take to find a secret door? The answer is too many.

How many tentacles does a Roper have? The answer is too many.

When is a flopping fish not just a flopping fish? When it’s attached to something that’s trying to eat you.

Will our adventurers finally get a long rest? How big is this cave system anyway? What can you do with two magic hands? Do skeletons have belongings? This episode brings you the answers to questions you probably didn’t have.

In this episode, our adventurers meet more stinky cave-dwellers, learn the difference between bopping and booping, and one of them swings their weapon at an empty square for some reason. Listen and find out why!

Successful cave exploration requires management skills, rope, and a truly epic weaponized hootenany

Elavor talks to a bear.

Psst, hey, buddy, ya wanna buy a feather?

Come for the orcs, stay for the bee-themed acrobatics.

Deeper into the mountain we go! Remember all those warnings about orcs? They’re proven to be true! Also we learn where orcs sleep. (It’s beds. They sleep in beds.)

It’s time to leave town and set out on an adventure! Having given up on their missing compatriot (for now), the party takes a chance on canine companionship and comes up with its official name at last. Now it’s off to the mountains to seek fame, fortune, and forgotten treasure.

They touched an orb! They barely survived Death House! (See Episode 105 through 112.) Now Imra and the people she saved are back, in a new adventure. Once again DM stands for Dan Moren, as Dan leads a group of familiar adventurers into new challenges and, most intriguingly, an encounter with a musical halfling riding a pony that might change the course of their adventuring careers forever.

Trader Vi, Tyla, Jeff, and Sizzle Drop continue their quest to apologize to a cult. Will our heroes be thwarted by trick statues, a fire pit, and a Wario lookalike? How many cultists are still alive? And what bizarre sounds will Sizzle Drop make?

There’s a new DM in town! For two weeks, join Monty Ashley as he brings a group of travelers on an adventure to save a small town from the Cult of the Iron Scimitar.

Shocktober 2018 concludes in the cells beneath Seyvoth Manor! Will our adventurers find either of the missing children they’ve been searching for, or is it werewolves all the way down? Are books the best weapons of all? And most importantly, will our heroes survive to play again in 2019? Some of those questions will be answered, probably unsatisfactorily, in this episode!

Into the basement of Seyvoth Manor! What manner of horrible things can be found in the underbuildings of a haunted mansion? How do you feel about tentacles—wait, don’t answer that. How about doors and hallways? And what life lessons can the trash fire teach us? Shocktober 2018 nears its fateful conclusion!

Continuing a trip through a spooky haunted mansion, our adventurers check out some plants and then, against their better judgment and the advice of others, leave the vestibule and descend into the basement to see if dogs are qualified to do brain surgery. (Turns out they are!)

There’s a library in Seyvoth Manor, once packed with books entertaining and informative. Now it lies in ruins, but a few magical books remain, with treasures and terrors in equal measure for those who are brave or foolish enough to explore. Like Fluffy, he’s plenty foolish enough.

It’s time for Shocktober 2018! We’re back in Seyvoth Manor, but not the one you may have heard before! It’s a new edition of D&D, a newly built version of the story, and most importantly, an entirely new group of players and characters. And there’s something strangely familiar, yet legally distinct, about the group. In this, the first of five episodes, our adventurers enter the house, debate the differences between a foyer and a vestibule, ponder if dogs are a kind of plant, and attempt a duet with a piano-playing ghost.

The third season of Eglath’s Angels comes to a conclusion! The fate of the Howling Hatred cult is revealed! Omlol takes a journey entirely unlike any we’ve seen before! Many members of the party are in grave danger! And for those who survive, what is their next destination?

A room full of mushrooms (again?) teaches our adventurers a valuable lesson about… something? It’s finally time to meet the leaders of the windy cult. And despite Regdar’s best advice to refrain, Carlos shows off an extremely unexpected talent.

Kenku are jerks. Our new friend is very wise for an undercover cultist. Our adventurers need to decide if they’re an ambulance service or not. (They’re not.)

[If your episode sounds like Aleen is out of sync, please delete this episode and then re-download it! We had to re-release the episode to fix this audio problem.]

Presta is dead and her companions are all pretty horribly wounded, except for Carlos, who seems perfectly fine. Can this group of adventurers find their way out of these confounded caverns before they lose all hope? It may take an escape by, as you might expect with this group, a path entirely unexpected by the Dungeon Master.

The Iron King, at last! But will our plucky adventurers survive their battle with a giant rabbit with an even more giant mechanical claw? Either way, Gamma World ends now in this mega-sized final episode!

Things are dire. Bobobob Joe is helplessly trapped in a laser grid and trying to remember his last words. E-84 is desperately trying to use its science skills to save the day. Can Carlos the giant mutated rabbit sniper take our our adventurers, or will they survive to face the Iron King at the center of the robot factory?

A dangerous hallway. More robot security systems. There’s only one solution, and it’s Bobobob Joe putting his favorite toy at risk. This could be deadly for everyone if E-84 doesn’t execute one of the most amazing teleportation moves of all time…

So we knew that there would be robots. The whole idea was to find and stop the source of the robots. But there are so many robots! And only one of them is looking for a lab coat. Fortunately, E-84 is also a robot and totally knows how to use control panels, right?

This area is currently off limits, under orders of The Iron King. Visitor tours are on Tuesday. Please return then. Thank you for visiting Stupendico. Have a stupendous day! Get back to work, Carl!

Deeper into the tunnels go our adventurers, where they come into contact with some feisty robots and… do I smell bacon? Oh no, it’s more Roadhogs! They better hope they don’t get too close to Bobobob’s toy dump truck.

Machines vanquished and tables saved, it’s time to explore deeper into the realm of the Iron King, where there’s some tingly moss and nasty flying things.

As the quest for the Iron King continues, our adventurers face a roomful of angry badgers and one sinister buzzing machine. With their bodies in the kill zone and their backs against the only Ikea table to survive the apocalypse, it’s time to have an important rules discussion about how death-saving throws work in Gamma World.

It’s time to assault the tower from which the Iron King is sending his destructive robots. Can a zombie pig work as well as a fake ID? How horrifying is a bat-lion with laser beam eyes? Why are badgers so terrible at their jobs? Roll in the toy dump truck!

Our adventure team stands on unsteady ground and battles some unpleasant badgers. Well, that’s not fair. Only one of them is unpleasant. Also, there’s a biker pig who has a really weird day.

Out of the post-apocalyptic wastes comes a brand-new band of adventurers — and a stream of mysterious, destructive robots, threatening the town of Town. Professor Rat sends a new team of interesting people (and a couple of interesting robots) to discover the source of the threat.

Battered and bloodied, our adventurers really want to be anywhere but where they are. How did we get in this mess, anyway? And is there any chance any of them can get out of it?

When you’re at the bottom of a bottomless pit and you’ve got no hit points left, who you gonna call? Mr. Goodberry! And he… actually may not be any help. Good luck!

In which our adventurers break stuff and fall in a bottomless pit.

Big wheel keep on turning, Carlos keep on running. We’re flute inspectors.

Heroic rescues, a murder hallway, and the big wheels keep on turning. You know, it’s just another day in Athas.

More Bugbears, more magic, more problems. Our adventurers make a few dozen tactical errors. But Carlos just wants to give diplomacy some time to work.

In this episode Carlos wanders off once again, and once again nobody stops him. The healing properties of Kank Milk and its marketing opportunities are explored. Also, Heeeeeeere’s a Bugbear!

Our adventurers abandon the Feathergale Spire and find an underground location in which they can continue to spread lies about who they are and what they’re inspecting.

In this one there’s an awful lot of skulking around the Feathergale spire. Plus, who doesn’t love a hunt?

Our party makes its way to Feathergale Spire, where it turns out that it is the anniversary of the founding of the Feathergale Knights. Time for a big party! With appetizers! And probably trouble. We’re like that.

The Feathergale Spire is a tempting building on the horizon. A dead body in a ravine intrigues Carlos. You know, the usual.

Our adventurers haven’t been run out of town before, but this time it finally happens. Then they go on to Freedom, a town founded by slaves, and investigate the desert wastes in search of more clues to the fate of the missing caravan.

We’re quarry inspectors, actually. (This episode is not endorsed by the Kled Chamber of Commerce.)

It’s time to investigate the place where Carlos (who styles himself a hero) saved that kid, and then we’ll take a journey to the Cave of Floating Rocks to learn about the history of mining accidents on Athas!

In the wake of Carlos opening a door that should have remained closed, the Bringers of Woe have come to bring the pain to our adventurers. Not everyone with a name will make it out alive!

The adventurers investigate the underground complex beneath Kled, turning up a magic rock and a serious vermin infestation problem. Also, Carlos carefully studies a closed door and nobody notices until it’s too late.

In this exciting return to the world of Dark Sun and Eglath’s Angels, pottery is purchased and giant sinkholes are investigated.

Shocktober comes to a spooky finale, at long last! Will our adventurers survive? What will be the fate of the two children they were tasked to save? Will Henry meet the fate of a Frankenstein (monster), or is there an exciting career as a Frankenstein (lawyer) ahead of him? It all ends here!

The final battle begins! Our adventurers take on vampire lord Malthus Seyvoth and his undead accomplices as our Shocktober adventure reaches its climax! Who will escape alive?

The journey through the creepy (and deadly) hall of mirrors comes to an end! But who will be left alive to solve the final math problem?

Deeper into the hall of mirrors! Our Shocktober adventurers grapple with some of their most terrifying foes yet: geometry and the possibility that they’ll need to solve a math problem. Plus energy beams and undead wraiths!

For our third (and final!) spooky year, we return to Seyvoth Manor, where a crew of adventurers is desperately trying to survive a spooky house and rescue two children who have been kidnapped from their village. This Shocktober surprise features a previously unexplored room, a spooky doll, and a final ascent to the third floor of the manor, where the evil lord Seyvoth awaits…

Omlol learns an important lesson about asking doors and chests if they are mimics… the hard way! Then our adventurers return to Kled to have interesting conversations with uninteresting townspeople.

After a little more time annoying people in Kled, our adventurers head to the famed Trickle Rock Cave, where there is a little bit of trickling and a little bit of danger!

Our party invades the city of Kled, splits the party, starts a hootenanny, makes new friends, and does what they do best—which is apparently lying unnecessarily?

We were in the desert
Everybody had matching tattoos
Somebody rolled into our flock
And we all saw a rock
It wasn’t a rock
It was a rock monster
Rock monster

In a bit of trouble with wind and templars, the adventurers of Eglath’s Angels take on a new mission to get themselves out of the city of Tyr for a little while. Turns out they’re just as bad at lying as they always were. And a new friend joins the party! But once they’re out in the desert, they’ll prove themselves to be cunning warriors… right?

A final battle with greenery, and then our adventurers will try to escape from the Death House at last! But will the house truly live up to its diabolical name?

Death House continues barreling toward its inevitable end! Will all our adventurers make it out alive?

From a hugging wall come creepy, hulking ghoulish creatures ready to kill (or hug?) our adventurers! And then later there may be a crypt with a whole lot of bugs.

Death House resumes, and our adventurers must explore strange passageways, discovering deceptive items and even more deceptive walls!

So there’s this orb, and it’s pretty shiny. Maybe we should touch it?

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grick. Also, Ghouls are not nice.

The journey into Death House goes a little deeper, with creepy closets, creepy magical foes, and more creepy children!

A new adventure begins! Led by Dungeon Master Dan Moren, our adventurers wake from a night by a campfire to discover a deserted town, a couple of creepy kids, and a suspiciously creepy mansion.

At long last, the final confrontation with the vampire lord! But will our adventurers’ previous actions in the Undermountain be to their own benefit, or will they play right into their enemy’s hands?

Our adventuring crew approaches its final destination, the lair of the vampire lord. But first, a seemingly innocuous anteroom with two pools in it! Surely nothing bad can happen here!

What happens when you put a dude in a Ding-Dong? What’s the most menacing sort of high-five you could imagine? Things get much more dangerous as you close in on a diabolical vampire lord…

Pools and Ghouls! Creepy liquid and horrible wraiths and a surprising encounter with a Ding-Dong. The Undermountain dungeon crawl… er, crawls toward its climax!

In this special 100th edition, we take a break from the regular D&D playing to quiz all of our Dungeon Masters on questions supplied by Total Party Kill listeners.

Team Wraith takes the fight to Dragonforge and Associates.

Dragonforge and Associates continue their winning ways and learn what “undead” means.

Can our adventurers outwit a group of flaming suits of armor? Knowing our gang, it’s a toss-up. Plus, a zen garden of horrors!

So… a Gelatinous Cube, eh? Ate Pieter Dragonforge and Flessa, you say? Did anyone survive?

You know what’s worse than giant spiders? The thing our adventurers find in the bottom of a pit, that’s what.

The battle with the giant spiders continues, with Olestran battling his fear and the rest of the group battling the actual spiders. And when that fun’s all done, it’s time to search the room for treasure!

Dragonforge and Associates return! To battle giant spiders! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! SPIDERS!!!!!!!!!!

Shocktober concludes for this year with a whole lot of magic books and an appeal to the Angel of Justice that doesn’t go as planned.

Our Shocktober adventure does the Monster Mash with an adventure in a spooky laboratory with a cabinet full of brains, a storage room that’s got more than meets the eye, and a secret attic altar with a bunch of forbidden books.

Shocktober continues! Our adventurers grapple with a giant shambling monster made up of the body parts of various animals. Many things are regurgitated! Gruther is slammed! Arrows are let fly! Prison cells are investigated! An objective is located—twice! And then there’s a duck. So tune in, Jimmy!

Shocktober returns, and we return to Seyvoth Manor to continue our spooky crawl through a haunted house. Bats! Ghosts! Frankenstein’s Monsters! Shambling horrors! Who knows what spooky things we’ll find around the next corner…

(This continues the story we played in episodes 61-64 last October.)

Our adventurers get in a little fighting before the episode becomes a whole lot more philosophical. Also, they try to pawn all the hard work off on someone who isn’t them.

Helmed horrors conquered, there are ghouls to deal with. (Ghouls’ Night!) They are not easy to deal with. But if they can be dispatched, our adventurers will be gifted with… a mysterious corpse?

Dragonforge and Associates pick up after their Mummy battle, bind their wounds, and set out deeper into the crypt. Helmed horrors! Creepy lightning! Suspended skeletons! What an adventure awaits…

(If you got an earlier version of this episode, it had an audio problem. This version is guaranteed to be good!)

Dragonforge and Associates consider the magical wiring diagram of the Tombs of the Undermountain, but someone ends up crying for their mummy. (Get it? MUMMY!)

The battle with the flaming suits of armor continues! And then our adventurers interrogate some very strange prisoners.

Now that the skeleton battle is over, we are welcomed into the Temple of Jergal by Brother Bathelby. There’s also a lot of listening at doors, life-sized chess, and some unpleasant suits of armor.

Our adventurers come to the door of Jeregal’s temple, but not without meeting some resistance! Also, in a special solo session, we find out what happened to Acrid the Dragonborn when he disappeared a few episodes ago.

After the battle with the zombies concludes, our adventurers investigate the tombs of Undermountain and discover some other terrifying creatures.

Our adventurers emerge through a trap door into the tombs of the Undermountain, in a room full of shambling zombies. Also, the party’s newest adventurer seems to be missing.

The sewer battle with the Tin Dog gang rages on, but for how long? And when it’s complete, what happens then? Also, nobody tell Pieter Dragonforge how bad his backpack smells.

There’s one place you never want to get in a knock-down, drag-out battle, and that’s the sewer. Unfortunately for Dragonforge & Associates, that’s just what has happened.

The press of bar bills and a lead on their search for Rutherford Urmbrusk convinces Dragonforge and Associates to return to adventuring, with a new member of their party and a whole new way to enter the Undermountain.

Hello, from a not-very-magic tavern! In this prelude to a new season of Dragonforge & Associates fourth-edition D&D adventure, we return to the Yawning Portal in the city of Waterdeep, just around the corner from the bugbear-owned, kobold-operated sandwich shop, and reunite with Pieter Dragonforge, Kay, and Flessa. They are on one of the scariest of missions: Namely, trying to find a new member of the party by interviewing three candidates. Who will join the party and who will be left behind?

Our adventurers reach the summit of the Ziggurat and have their final confrontation with the Defiler and a threat that could destroy all of Athas.

A fierce Mul gladiator (not Carlos) protects the interior of the ziggurat as our separated heroes struggle to reunite and defeat their enemies.

Eglath’s Angels conclude their encounter at the city gates and then journey deep into the city to explore a threatening ziggurat.

Our adventurers approach the gates and statues that mark the entry point to the long-dead city of Kaldinay. But a funny thing happened on the way to the Ziggurat…

Freshly out of their pit, our heroes regroup and journey back out into the desert to find the source of the shaquat beetles at Fort Melidor. Also, we learn what a group of cacti is called, and discover some strange things about elven musical instruments.

(This episode was initially released with the last 30 minutes of audio translated into Thri’Kreen. We’ve re-released it with the last 30 minutes in English, for our human listeners.)

The elemental magic-users seem to have what they want—Regdar’s crown—so you’d think the fight would be over. But our adventurers don’t know how to take “no” for an answer! There’s a dramatic transformation and an epic run that will go down in legend and song.

The underground battle for Regdar’s crown has begun! And before it’s over, things are going to get tough for our adventurers.

The battle with Carlos’s nemesis Morningstar is just the beginning of this adventure. There are accountants to terrorize and templars to badger! Will TPK turn into a courtroom drama? Anything’s possible with this group…

Combat combat combat! The battle with the spooky, speedy psionicist continues, and Carlos meets an old colleague and isn’t remotely happy to see him. Plus Regdar runs out of spells and Omlol hears the Good News about Carlos.

Our adventurers return after a long absence (for them, not you) and after remembering where they are, they spend a whole lot of time listening at silent doors and sneaking down hallways, while preparing for the ultimate battle in the basement of the pottery emporium.

We return to the world of Eglath’s Angels, as our adventurers continue to clear out rooms full of sleepy guards before attempting an assault on the source of the mind-control beetles.

Our Shocktober special concludes with more battles with plants, a speed run through the mansion as time is about to expire, some books, a chest, a Legend of Zelda reference, and more spoooooky ghosts.

Our Shocktober special continues with two of the most terrifying things you’ll ever find in a haunted mansion: books and plants.

In part two of our special four-part SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL, our adventurers attempt to get out of the cellar and into the mansion proper. What spooky spectres await them?

In part one of our special four-part SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL, DM’s Dan and Tony take a new crew of five adventurers on a trip to a spoooooky mansion. (They may not make it past the front door.)

Bedrooms, sleepy guards in loincloths, and a whole lot of confusion. Just another day at the office for our adventurers? Not hardly! Today’s the day they meet Chad.

Our adventurers are still in the midst of their midnight raid into the unaffiliated pottery outpost that they suspect to be the center of the operation that’s distributing mind-control beetles far and wide. In this episode, they battle some guards near the fiery pottery kilns, toss a coin a time or two, make a descent through a hidden shaft, and open up some sacks of flour. Plus, Carlos shows off a few of his special talents.

The adventurers return under cover of night to infiltrate the pottery outpost and uncover, at last, the source of the horrible beetle infestation! But do they want to try to kill guards who are just doing their jobs? Sometimes, when you’re fighting near a kiln, you start to wonder about killin’.

The adventurers return to Tyr and go to a pub, which is exactly what you’d expect. But this pub has a Mul with some very important info that he’d like to provide—if something terrible doesn’t happen to him first! Also, Regdar and some accomplices visit a notable pottery emporium.

In the aftermath of a horrible loss, our party struggles to stay alive against an onslaught of webbed and unwebbed Tembo. Is there any hope? Perhaps the slightest ruby glint…

With the caravan and the village of Red Obelisk behind them, and Scale back out of her protective bubble, our adventurers set off back to Tyr. Surely they wouldn’t have the bad luck to run into some dangerous, legendary bogeyman out in the desert, right? Right???

Our adventurers continue their near-naked escape from beetles and cages and defilers and other nasty things in the desert. Also, a certain bedroom containing someone’s purple pants might make a return.

Trapped in a cage, assaulted by horrendous mind-control beetles, what can our adventurers do to save themselves?

Our adventurers try to remember where they left their characters only to find themselves in the clutches of Bezrak and his terrible conspirators from House Shom!

Our adventurers and their caravan continue their battle with the massive horde of giths. This episode contains: Fighting! Dead guards! Outriders! More fighting! More dead guards! Also: A catapult (not pictured).

Omlol flees from his bar brawl! Will the party arrive in time to save him? Plus taunting from a caravan, bardic inspiration, Presta has bad luck, the catapult gets used (but not used well), and oh yeah, there’s this horde of Giths…

Our adventurers salve their wounds until the caravan reaches a desert settlement. Their suspicions about Bezrak lead them to engage in sleuthing—some of it successful, and the rest of it by Carlos. Also, local muscle is called, and there’s a bar fight!

You may ask yourself, why is this oasis so plentiful? And you may ask yourself, why is this lady so beautiful? And you may tell yourself, this is not a beautiful tent. And you may tell yourself, these are not beautiful rugs!

In the wake of Omlol, Katch’ka, and Regdar getting in trouble for their door-related shenanigans, Carlos, Scale and Presta take on the next round of searching the caravan for creepy beetles. Water is fetched! Bribes are paid! Wicker baskets are moved mysteriously! An oasis is spotted! And is it true love at last for Omlol? (Spoiler: It’s not. Not at all.)

The three interlopers who broke the master’s door are under investigation! Can Carlos, Scale and Presta aid in their defense? The management of the caravan tries to unravel the events of our previous episode, and everyone ends up even more confused. Plus, Presta learns an important lesson about vouching.

Paramount Pictures presents the Three Athas Brothers in their funniest film yet! Or to put it another way, Katch’ka and Omlol and Regdar find a whole bunch of wacky ways to get into trouble while the rest of the party is sleeping. Scale makes an uncomfortably enthusiastic new friend! Bowls of stew are ordered! Teak is shattered! And how that Kank got into my pajamas, I’ll never know…

Our adventurers meet their new boss and set out with the caravan into the desert. Regdar attempts to show the worth of his MBA. Katch’ka startles his new co-workers with his leaping. And a glint of sunlight off metal spotted nearby proves just too exciting to pass up.

We return to the strange world of Dark Sun and some of the characters from the first season of Total Party Kill! Fresh off their victory at the Face in the Stone, Carlos, Katch’ka, and Regdar are ready for a visit to the pub, but a familiar face stands in their way! Plus there’s a discussion of microeconomics, Carlos shows off his lack of social skills, we learn about warring trading houses and teak futures, and a few new traveling companions are introduced.

Our adventurers conclude their battle with Zarr and his (hob)goblin lackeys, and get some answers about Rutherford Urmbrusk and the Undermountain.

Love maps? Check out Tony and Dan’s complete map for this adventure.

See you in a couple of weeks for a return to our Dark Sun campaign, upgraded for D&D Fifth Edition, with some old friends and new faces!

Our adventurers continue their battle through the scorpion kennel, and then force a final confrontation with Zarr.

Kay returns, and our adventurers set out down a secret passage in pursuit of Zaar. Olestran finds a room he’s seen before. And one particular Goblin really drew the short straw.

Son, I say, son, it’s time for our adventures to square off against Zarr, the gentleman boss of the southern dungeons. Hexes will be hurled, party members will be blinded, quarries will be sought, and ballistas will roll! Can this be Sluggy the Spirit Slug’s finest hour?

Sluggy the spirit slug proves to be an amazing defense. Pieter Dragonforge gets it from all sides. Zaar is not impressed with the quality of his help. And the dungeon fills with more gas clouds than you’ll find in a Chipotle bathroom. It’s all just another day in the Undermountain.

Our party takes stock after defeating the Rage Drake. Olestran commando-crawls up a ramp. Pretty medallions are found. (And Steve’s memory of medallion-grabbing is validated.) We don’t check for traps! Zarr’s bedchamber is discovered. Tapestry class is in session. Riswynn takes a dangerous nap. And all the while, Peter stands at a door, just itching for a fight.

Hobgoblins and Drakes, oh my! Is this the boss battle Dragonforge and Associates has been waiting for? If you wanted to see us deploy strategy and roll a lot of dice, at long last you are going to get your wish.

Drowabunga! A mysterious stranger brings a fish feast to our hardy-but-exhausted adventurers. There’s much conversation, a little dice rolling, and Pieter throws a surprise party for an unwitting Kobold. Also, Kay and a different Kobold have a very nice conversation about trees and sandwiches.

Rats in a pit! Flessa climbs out, but the rats won’t be kept down! Our adventurers attack some vermin, meet a new friend, and inspect some rooms. Plus Olestran does some things with rope and some nice arrow tricks too.

Dragonforge and Associates come around a corner to discover an entirely new room full of entirely new dangers! Melech and Pieter are clumsy lummoxes. A surprising feature of the new room is revealed. And while Flessa thinks they’re pointy kitties, if they bite and swarm, they’re probably rats. #ratfacts!

Our adventurers battle some goblins and ponder a stack of rats in the corner of a hallway. A clever goblin plan to trap our adventurers in an enclosed space has an apparently unanticipated side-effect. Pieter gets cold feet. Olestran rolls a critical smell. And at the end, we take a break for some talk about beer.

In this episode, our adventurers make a gigantic mess in a Kobold lab. A Kobold intern proffers his resume. Someone gets sparkly, like a Twilight vampire. Undermountain cubicles are disrupted. We mispronounce many words. Plus: Secret recipes learned at Fictional Kobold Science University!

Our party confronts spooky floating bones above a spooky throne. Pieter covets a dead man’s hat. Olestran makes a nifty trick shot that nobody else wants him to make. Doors are checked. Sandwiches are promised. This episode also serves as the series pilot for “CSI: Undermountain.”

What’s behind the door? Our adventurers discover a sleeping guard and a collection of prisoners alive and dead. When Flessa’s not trying to blame it on her rusty dagger, Pieter is consulting Paladinpedia about whether it’s okay to kill a bugbear. Speaking of bugbears, we have a feeling you’re about to have a favorite non-player character…

Dragonforge and Associates continues its clean-up of the Goblin and Kobold infested room. Flessa gets out her hammer, which leads to a series of jokes you might expect. A prisoner is rescued, and a door is opened. Melech is good at orbs, everyone does the Funky Diagonal, and a Kobold Worm Priest has a really confusing day.

At last, our party meets up with actual, moving foes! Attempts at diplomacy ensue. Pillars are used as convenient forms of cover. And there’s a tiny personal tragedy involving a model train.

Dragonforge and Associates continue their exploration of the eastern half of a corridor lined with statues. Pieter stands up. Flessa does some acrobatic moves. Riswynn professes her love of books. Melech lights up a statue. But will they finally reach the end of the hallway?

Dragonforge and Associates reach the bottom of the pit in their large basket and discover the horrors beneath. A survivor is interrogated. Bodies are thrown in the basket. A door is detected, its building materials recognized, and a corridor full of statues is discovered! Also our adventurers consider whether or not to deploy the “erosion strategy,” and Pieter takes a seat and ponders his choices.

It’s time for a new adventure with new DMs and a new party! When we meet Dragonforge and Associates they are hanging out on some bean bag chairs in Mr. Dragonforge’s basement in a comfortable suburb of Waterdeep. But a strange note arrives and adventure calls them away to the Yawning Portal!

Your new party (left to right, pixel art by Jesse Lane), is:

• Pieter - Human Paladin (played by Jason Snell)
• Melech - Tiefling Wizard (played by Monty Ashley)
• Olestran - Elf Ranger (played by Steve Lutz)
• Kat - Half-elf Druid (played by Serenity Caldwell)
• Riswynn - Dwarf Cleric (played by Sarah Barbour)
• Flessa - Human Rogue (played by Erika Ensign)

Our dungeons master are Dan Moren and Tony Sindelar.

The adventure of the Temple of the Face in the Stone reaches its conclusion! But will our adventurers live to fight another day? Death-saving throws will be failed! Skill checks will be rolled! You’ve come this far, you might as well listen to one more episode with these knuckleheads.

(This marks the end of this season of Total Party Kill. We’ll be back in a month or so with a shortish adventure with new characters, new DMs, and a new setting. But fear not! We’ll return to this group of characters again in the future.)

Our adventurers take stock, meet a new fungus-covered friend, discover the fate of the Red Cord mercenaries, and make their way back to the entrance to the temple, where they discover there’s one more battle left to fight.

Our Carlos-caused battle with the mushroom people continues. Nobody will escape unscathed! Doors will open and close. A retreat will be sounded. One member of the group will be revealed as a macabre MacGyver. And we learn that when you gaze into the mushroom, the mushroom looks back into you.

Our adventurers recover from their horrible wounds inflicted by the silkworm, take a rest, and then find the final room in this temple too intriguing to ignore. It’s all Carlos’s fault—he runs in where intelligent people fear to tread, and gets a face full of mushroom.

Our adventurers battle against the giant silkworm at the heart of the temple, and their lives are on the line. No, seriously, unless one of them makes exactly the right dice roll at the right time, they’re all gonna die.

Carlos is at the bottom of the pit, our party is standing in a doorway, and a giant silkworm is about to strike! This isn’t going to go well, isn’t it? In fact, Carlos, you might want to just stay down there in the pit. It’s safer down there.

Our adventurers continue their battle with Nala the Girl-liath and Daroc the Mul, who is even more unpleasant than Carlos. There’s also some exploring, Katchka makes critical rolls for nature and listening, curiously shaped mushrooms are discovered, and stick around for our terrifying cliffhanger!

The battle with the scaled guardians, zombies, and wispy wraiths continues amid the dead bodies and braziers. Asteron eats a valuable gem. We debate the pronunciation of gith. Carlos gets caught thinking about something other than his job at just the wrong time. And we learn a valuable lesson about not letting your Minotaur do the negotiating for you.

Our adventurers investigate snake chalk art, disturb some funeral urns, and discover that sometimes a room full of dead bodies is just a room full of dead bodies… just not this time.

Our adventurers enter a room dominated by powerful winds. (But enough about that burrito Regdar ate back at the tavern.) A creepy whispering fountain and creepier whirling dust devils can’t be good, right? Also, Carlos gets really angry and attacks a statue.

Our dungeon crawl through the desert temple continues. We poke some weird fungus with a stick and then investigate a room containing a very old knight. It’s like that scene in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” except it may be our adventurers who have chosen… poorly. Again.

This is the first “new” episode of TPK. Older episodes originally appeared in the feed of The Incomparable and have been retconned into TPK episodes for new listeners.

Skeletons and salt zombies! Oh my!

A choice between two different magical fountains, plus some zombies and an angry skeleton.

Obelisks with lightning bolts and a surprising encounter with marine life.

The stone temple finally comes into view, but it’s protected by two horrible obelisks that shoot lightning bolts.

A new adventurer joins the party, and everyone experiences a terrifying journey through the sandstorm vortex.

Our adventurers finish their battle at the whirlwind, but at a somewhat horrible price.

The battle by the sandstorm vortex continues, with Carlos on the move and unpleasant Tareks doing damage to our adventurers.

Glass spiders and a horrific sandstorm vex our Dark Sun adventurers.

After waking up in an alley, our adventurers outfit themselves for a trip deep into the desert.

Amid a brutal battle in a market area, our brave adventurers try to hide behind a hot dog cart. It works as well as you might expect.

Introducing our party of five adventurers in the desert realm of Athas, as they begin their quest and get in a fight with some nasty dwarves. It doesn’t go well.