Arnold Schwarzenegger is perfectly cast, even if he couldn’t really speak English yet. Until Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies, this was the iconic fantasy movie. A good time. An excellent time.
Barbarian Queen is a 71-minute movie in which female empowerment (in the form of women killing bad guys with swords) is juxtaposed with certain fantasy tropes that are less empowering (you know the ones I mean). It’s weird. But, again, 71 minutes long!
Monty and Rhias are back, with a new movie genre (Fantasy), a new movie (The Sword and the Sorcerer), and a REALLY good excuse for why it took so long to get this episode out the door (Monty had a stroke right after watching the movie). Also, Monty does readings from the novelization, and it is nonsensical. A good time!
Damnation Alley is the story of a tricked-out military RV being driven around under some very brightly colored skies after a nuclear apocalypse that takes thirteen minutes to play out. Somebody was very concerned that we might not understand what had happened to the world, because this was four years before The Road Warrior demonstrated what postapocalyptic movies should be like. Sadly, it was also five months AFTER Star Wars came out, which made Damnation Alley look like absolute slop.
Also! This ends our Postapocalyptic run, and we will now transform into Monty and Rhias vs. Movies: Fantasy. Because we’re going to start watching fantasy movies.
Cherry 2000 is a movie with bounty hunters and sex robots and pretty cool cinematography. It is also very boring.
David Carradine, fresh off Death Race 2000, makes a movie that’s basically Death Race 2000 But With Motorcycles And Also We Have To Make This Like Star Wars Because It’s 1978 And That’s All Anyone Can Talk About.
It’s pretty cheap and silly, but there are some very entertaining explosions, and the general weirdness is a lot of fun.
As far as we know, this movie is only available through Scarecrow Video in Seattle. It’s an extremely silly parody of postapocalyptic movies made by people (in 2009) who were both comedians and Scarecrow employees, which means that they’re pals of Rhias’s. It’s really funny, though, and we try to convey that in our very fond discussion of it.
A three-hour movie directed by, and starring, Kevin Costner as the man who brings society back from the postapocalypse by sheer force of downright decent-ness. It’s kind of bombastic, quite overwrought, and the closest thing you’ll see to a postapocalyptic take on Civil War battles.
This is one of the least postapocalyptic movies ever made. At best, there are three square blocks of postapocalypse, and some of it might be Brooklyn. A lot of it is definitely Rome. This movie is equal parts ripoffs of The Warriors and Escape From New York, and it’s a lot of fun, in a grimy kind of way.
Is it postapocalyptical? Sort of! Is it genuine nonsense? Absolutely! Does Sean Connery wear an outfit that is completely unacceptable? You know it!
This movie is very gross! And Monty and Rhias talk about it frankly and with swear words. Atolladero was made in 1995 and it is very much one of those movies made right after Pulp Fiction where they just pile on the drugs and violence and transgressive behavior and so forth. It appeared in a few film festivals and then had a limited release in Spain, so it’s kind of a miracle that Rhias ever got her hands on this third-generation VHS copy. Anyway, it’s kind of a spaghetti western noir in a postapocalyptic setting, made in Spain, and Iggy Pop is in it.
Wheels of Fire was shot in the Philippines and has probably the most explosions of any movie we’ve seen in this Postapocalyptic year. It also contains a telepathic woman, a woman who appears to have a psychic link with a hawk, and an actual Playboy Playmate. And yet? Extremely boring. And it is very unkind to its female characters, especially the aforementioned Playmate. This episode is marked “explicit” because there was no other way to discuss the gross parts.
Rutger Hauer and Joan Chen are athletes in the coolest post-apocalyptic deathsport of them all: They’re juggers! That means they travel from desolate wasteland town to desolate wasteland town to fight a brutal struggle centered around a dog skull. It’s great.
Behold, the story of Harmony, Anderson, and to a much lesser extent, a guy named Roland, who enters the story way too late to count as comic relief. It is a story you’ve heard before, with motorcycles and weird leather clothing, and plague mutants. Well, we’re not told that those guys were mutants, but they probably were. Stands to reason, right? This movie was made in Turkey in 1986 and it is fun.
What if the postapocalyptic world didn’t have shoulderpads and mohawks? What if instead, it had a midcentury rock and roll aesthetic with katanas and a Russian surf guitar soundtrack and a guitar duel against death? What if it didn’t make a lick of sense, but it looked good enough that it didn’t matter?
Journey with Monty and Rhias all the way back to 2018, when Sandra Bullock and John Malkovich were trapped in a post-apocalyptic world on Netflix. If they see the monster, they’ll die! So instead, they stay locked inside a house and yell at each other. So far, this was the most accurate post-apocalypse.
Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall take on the Warriors of the Apocalypse, which is also called Searchers of the Voodoo Mountain, or maybe Time Raiders. It’s some leather-clad dudes in the Philippines wandering around a rock quarry and a jungle, which is full of some unfortunate “savage warrior” stereotypes, and also an amazon temple with a throne that’s equipped with laser cannons.