33

Dumpster Fire at the Fabric Store

Two episodes of Project Runway contain a total of three eliminations. And another elimination that gets rescinded. Ink Master Angels goes to the biggest cowboy bar in the world, I think. And Halloween Wars…just isn’t very good.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


32

The Tragic Wigs

Face Off: Game Face ends with a weird episode that was intended as the pilot before they made some changes. Monty and Rhias liked it more than the regular episodes. Halloween Wars is a weird show about a hyper-specific kind of pumpkin carving that somehow has a spinoff series with exactly the same title. And Ink Master: Angels manages to get rid of a lot of the annoying stuff about Ink Master, which was a delightful surprise.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


31

Season Finale Week

The return of real television means that some of these garbage shows have to wrap things up. So Monty and Rhias get to talk about the live season finale of Ink Master and the (not-live) season finale of the Great Food Truck Race. Face Off: Game Face isn’t a season finale, but it’s got four Face Off champions going head-to-head. Face to face? Whatever. And Project Runway also happened!

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


30

Acetone on a Bald Cap

We are late, but we exist! That means we cover TWO episodes of Project Runway, in which someone gets home that we wanted to go home, and someone goes home that we didn’t. But both were pretty much justified.Ink Master and the Great Food Truck Race both limped toward the ends of their seasons, so we talked about spin-off shows like the Great Food Truck Rally and Ink Master: Redemption. And Face Off: Game Face had another fun episode of monster and alien makeup.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


29

A Greener Thor

Project Runway goes to the top of the Empire State Building, but it still can’t escape the Twins’ shouting. Ink Master does what it always does, but at least it involves sending home someone we’re sick of. The Great Food Truck Race has a bad business day in Nashville. And Face Off: Game Face has George! We love George!

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


28

Something With Pecans

Project Runway takes inspiration from a new dance movie, but also from pretty much every “fancy dancer meets a hip hop dancer” movie ever. Ink Master packs so many different rounds of challenges into one episode that there’s almost no room left over for people to be jerks to each other. Face Off Game Face continues to be almost too pleasant to talk about, except that we like seeing Rick Baker every week so we’re going to keep talking about it anyway. And the Great Food Truck Race did something with pecans.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


27

Game Face Truck Race

Project Runway has an unconventional materials team challenge with the entirely conventional result of making one of the designers melt down. The Great Food Truck Race somehow walks the line of having the most flamboyant, theatrical contestants also be the ones who are most businesslike and no-nonsense. Face Off: Game Face brings back some old favorites who are also current favorites. And Ink Master has some actually good tattoos across the board. Good for them!

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


26

Klaus Nomi in a Space Bag

So many shows! Face Off reaches its season finale just as Game Face arrives to be the short-form version we both deserved and needed. And the Great Food Truck Race is back! It’s possible that you didn’t know it ever existed in the first place, but it did, and it’s a lot of fun for how shameless it is. Ink Master continues its season, and we’re obligated to keep pace even though Project Runway is only one episode in and already has a ton more memorable and identifiable people on it.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


25

Welcome Project Runway

Face Off had the first part of its two-part finale, and we got to see what Glenn Hetrick thinks a haunted house should be like. Ink Master continued to do the same stuff it always does by bringing in a jerk no one enjoyed watching the first time. And Project Runway lurched out of the darkness with sixteen new designers to helpfully give us something else to watch, which was nice of it. So we’re watching the new season of that.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


24

The Final (no, seriously) Rose

The Bachelorette is finally over, with a finale that somehow found a way to be extremely boring while also containing some actual emotion. But it was mostly the depressing kind of emotion,so that’s fine. Congratulations to Rachel for choosing between two nearly identical dudes. Monty and Rhias now plan to never touch that franchise again. Meanwhile, Ink Master featured pin-ups that weren’t entirely terrible, Face Off had aliens that claimed to be fun and friendly, and Forged in Fire once again led people down the dangerous path to canister Damascus.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


23

The Men Bore All

On The Bachelorette, the men told all, but Monty and Rhias weren’t really listening. It was more fun to talk about bad tattoos on Ink Master, bad makeup on Face Off, and even bad knives on Forged in Fire.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


22

Epaulettes?

It’s real hot in here, and Monty may have forgotten how to talk. But that’s not going to stop him from talking about the Bachelorette’s decisions. Which is good, because Rhias is already on the topic. They also cover Face Off, Forged in Fire, Ink Master, and the news about…a Face Off spinoff? A SpinFaceOff?!

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


21

The Monkey-Haired Christmas Tree Yeti

Every week means we’re a week closer to not having to watch the Bachelorette ever again. So that’s good news! There’s also Ink Masters to talk about, which had pretty good tattoos to go with its terrible people. That’s kind of the opposite of Face Off, which continues to have nice people even in kind of a down season. Forged in Fire finally let Doug Marcaida straight-up chop the heads off some ballistics-gel dummies. And Monty has some thoughts on Fool Us.

But the real news was this ear on Face Off:

FaceOffEar.jpg

That’s not where ears go!

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


20

Jelly Roll Technique

Monty and Rhias tackle the classic question: could the contestants on Ink Master ever actually be better than the ones on Face Off? The answer is no. Everyone on Ink Master is a jerk. There’s also Bachelorette, which has mostly trimmed its jerks but also doesn’t have much personality left. And Forged in Fire had people from the SCA that Rhias is pretty sure she’s met.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


19

Contains Fargo Spoilers, For Some Reason

Kind of a downer week of reality shows, huh? RuPaul’s Drag Race had a reunion that was just about drama, then Bachelorette did a worse job than usual of not being gross. Ink Master was what it always is, and even Face Off wasn’t as much fun as usual. So Monty and Rhias got distracted and talked about the season finales of Fargo and American Gods. And also the series finale of The Sopranos. You’ve watched everything that’s ever been aired, right?

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


18

Werewolf Opinions

There’s a new season of Face Off! Already! It’s here just in time to balance off the constant negativity of Ink Master, and to soothe us for the impending end of the RuPaul’s Drag Race season. Also featured: Forged in Fire!

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


17

Anatomically Incorrect Snake

Two episodes of the Bachelorette sent home a bunch of people whose names we never learned, as well as most of the people who were here just for pre-planned drama. RuPaul’s Drag Race continued to delight. Forged in Fire chopped up some ballistics-gel dummies, which you’d think would get old but actually never does. The Amazing Race had its second-least-deserving winner ever. And Ink Master returned for a new season of tattoo artists shouting at each other about stuff.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


16

(Don’t Tell Me) What Not To Wear

Some cool swords were made on Forged in Fire. Well, the swords looked kind of clumsy, but they were made by cool people. And sometimes that’s enough. RuPaul’s Drag Race had the most shocking lip-sync ever! For real this time! And The Bachelorette unleashed a new crowd of dopes, tickle monsters, and aspiring drummers onto the world’s stage.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


15

Beware the Black Palm

We’re back from Disneyland, and we’re excited to talk about reality shows. And also Disneyland. We cover the last two weeks of Forged in Fire (swords!) and RuPaul’s Drag Race (gowns!) and check in with Naked and Afraid XL (many, many injuries!).

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


14

Irish New Year

There’s so much to talk about! Two RuPaul’s Drag Races, two Forged in Fires, a Cosplay Melee, and the Face Off finale! Exclamation points!

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


13

Drag Queens and Gargoyle Monsters

RuPaul’s Drag Race took morning shows and made them even more crass and unprofessional. Except now it’s on purpose, so it’s okay. Face Off reached the semi-finals with four great competitors and made them make gargoyles. Cosplay Melee did superheroes and revealed the secret feud between fabric and foam. And Forged in Fire chopped another pig in half. Do you think they have a barbecue when they’re done?

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


12

You Know, an Antler Chop

Forged in Fire is back, with two new episodes of people either making cool weapons or accidentally ruining them. Cosplay Melee enters the world of video games, some of which Monty’s played. Face Off takes a trip to the islands for a Dole Whip. RuPaul’s Drag Race has pretty, pretty princesses. And Monty takes time out to lecture Gordon Ramsay about what he’s doing wrong.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


11

Dressing Up Like Tom Hanks

Cosplay Melee had a challenge themed to Angels and Demons, and the ideas were interpreted in a variety of interesting ways. Face Off did an alien senate, although we don’t remember a lot of subcommittees being discussed. RuPaul’s Drag Race brought back an old favorite and said a goodbye that was equal parts sad and inevitable. We also talked briefly about this season’s gimmick on The Amazing Race.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


10

Googly Eyes Are Essential

Cosplay Melee went straight to our heart as the person we were rooting for actually won! RuPaul’s Drag Race is just starting its season, so we don’t know if that’s happening yet. We had to make do with Lady Gaga being an amazing guest judge, and two of our three preseason favorites being in the top three. Masterchef Junior continued with the pie-in-the-face-level shenanigans, and Face Off featured two covens of witches. Be warned that this episode features more discussion of googly eyes than you may be used to.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


9

Cosplay Melee

The winds of change are blowing, and they are bringing new shows. Monty and Rhias are very excited about Cosplay Melee, a show where people carve craft foam into armor. And about the upcoming season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, of course. But first they have to work through the finale of the Bachelor and the latest episodes of Face Off, My Big Fat Fabulous Life, and Masterchef Junior. Although they can’t really remember anything about that last one. Some kids cooked some food, maybe?

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


8

Reunion Shows Are Awful

The Bachelor limped toward its finale with three hours of programming, in which Bachelor Nick was featured as little as possible. Because what everyone really wants is lots more of Corinne, right? Riiiight? My Big Fat Fabulous Life continued to prepare for the big dance battle, even though no one seems that into the idea. Face Off had an animated puppet challenge that was fairly non-creepy as animated puppet challenges go. And Masterchef Junior turned into Hell’s Kitchen Junior for a week, which annoyed Monty.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


7

Stranded With a Million Jerks

There’s this new show called Stranded With a Million Dollars, and we watched it. And hated it! We also cover The Bachelor (which went to Finland), Face Off (which went to Fury Road), My Big Fat Fabulous Life (which went to kiss-town), Masterchef Junior (which went to Monty’s last nerve with all the screaming), and checked in again with Hunted (which went to its season finale and will probably never come back).

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


6

Masterchef Junior Has The Rice Stuff

The new show on the docket is Masterchef Junior, replacing Hunted, which was too boring to live. We also watched Tattoo Girls, but that’s not sticking around in our household. The Bachelor went to Hometowns and finally moved the focus off Nick. Face Off had Mad Scientists, but why were they all dudes? On My Big Fat Fabulous Life, it looks like someone’s about to get served. The Curse of Oak Island had a two-hour season finale spectacular in which some twisted metal was actually recovered. So that was something.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


5

Burpy Burpy Burp

Monty is trying to come up with a theme song. It doesn’t go well.

Hunted is on the bubble, as neither Monty nor Rhias can remember more than one thing that happened this week. More time is given to The Bachelor, which seems to be going off the rails in a way that the production staff probably didn’t intend. On The Curse of Oak Island, the discussion centers on wood and rocks. As usual. And Face Off turns into a magical winter wonderland.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


4

Drag Race Season 9 Preview

The contestants for season 9 of RuPaul’s Drag Race have been announced, and we did our research! Which means that we watched a bunch of performance videos, so now we’re experts. We might not know who’s going to win, but we know who our favorites are. We go through all the queens and explain their strengths and weaknesses in preparation for the new season. We also cover recent events on The Bachelor, Forged in Fire, Curse of Oak Island, Hunted, Face Off, and My Big Fat Fabulous Life.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


3

“Hunted”

We check in on the Bachelor, which is growing on us. Well, one of us. And then we dive into Hunted (in which normal citizens pretend to be hiding from cops) and Face Off (in which talented artists create cool monster makeup) before a brief update on My Big Fat Fabulous Life.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


2

“Mythbusters: The Search”

After a very brief recap of “Curse of Oak Island,” we talk about how no one told us how crazy “The Bachelor” was. Then we dive into “Mythbusters: The Search,” which claims to be a search for new Mythbusters hosts, but is actually a terrible waste of time.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall


1

“Forged in Fire”

Introducing The Villain Edit! We talk about reality show taxonomy, including why the two basic kinds of competitive reality show are basically “Survivor” and “Cupcake Wars.” Then we dive into a discussion of Forged in Fire, which is absolutely the best blacksmithing show on television.

Monty Ashley and Rhias Hall