I saw Harry Potter and the Endless Franchise the other day. (Can you remember a time when we weren't watching Harry Potter movies? Can you imagine a time when we won't be?) I don't want to review the movie, really, except to note that it's one of those middle-of-a-series movies where plot threads are mainly carried forward and nothing is really resolved; if you haven't been paying attention to the whole series none of it will make the slightest sense; and even though I'd read and enjoyed the book I spent most of the movie slightly bewildered and confused anyway.I may have been more addled than usual, though, thanks to the movie trailers preceding the main film. The previews were for some remarkably adult, violent movies, including 2012, the upcoming end-of-the-world flick starring John Cusack (was Nicolas Cage too busy doing Knowing?) from the overwrought forge of Roland Emmerich; and also a version of Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr. as the great detective and Jude Law as Watson, which casting makes it sound awesome, except judging by the trailer someone decided, for reasons entirely unclear to me, to make Sherlock (not to mention Downey) into a martial arts action hero.
All of which is bad enough, honestly. But what really got to me is this new style of trailer I've been seeing far too much of lately. I'm guessing that, in a world where the In a World Guy is dead, and anyway where he spent the last decade or so satirizing himself (and being satirized), in that world we need some new movie trailer cliche we can have beat into our foreheads, and this is it: The Blink BOOM Trailer.
That's where we get a quick shot, usually of something supposedly unspeakable happening, and then a rapid fade to black while the soundtrack goes BOOM! This is followed by another quick shot, rapid fade, BOOM! Over and over. It's like being hit in the head with a bat repeatedly.
I'd rather the movie studios just hire a really big scary guy to come into the theater and say, "If you don't go see Roland Emmerich's latest masterpiece I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!" Because, whether I did or didn't go see it, the experience would be less painful than the Blink BOOM Trailer.
Can you remember a time when we weren't watching Harry Potter movies? Can you imagine a time when we won't be?
Uh, yes. How old are you? Twelve?
I'm 38, actually, but I appear youthful thanks to frequent bathing in the blood of virgins and those who can't recognize hyperbole.
Three days ago, "Total" celebrated his 93rd birthday, which coincidentally (or not?) fell on the twentieth anniversary of his successful operation to have his sense of humor removed. Everybody, give Total a round of applause.
I find it a little bizzare to read this entry on the blog formerly known as teevee. I have read several reviews touting the latest Harry Potter film as the best ever, yet I saw it Tuesday and thought it sucked. Since then, two of the blogs I follow (out of ten, maybe?) have posted articles suggesting that the latest movie isn't the best.
Why is this movie so critically acclaimed?
The director sucks. There are several scenes that have no context and make no sense - the bad guys (including a wolf-like creature that is given no backstory other than his appearance on a wanted poster) burn down the Weasley's house for shits and giggles, Ron drinks poison that was somehow meant for Dumbledore, Draco teleports green apples and seems pleased when someone takes a bite out of one - and the director gets bored with any given scene within seconds and jumps to the next scene with no desire to tell a story or engage in anything as old-fashioned as fluidity.
This movie felt like one giant turd of a filler. "Excuse me, not only are we going to make two movies out of the last book, because we so desperately need more money, but we're also going to give you the film equivalent of a pause. We'll shuck anything and everything from the sixth novel that means anything and instead tread water for two and a half hours."
It's a fucking bad movie when I actually miss Chris Columbus as a director.
BTW, Christopher, evidently there was a mention in one of the Sherlock Holmes stories that he was interested in martial arts. It's been at least twenty years since I read the stories, so I don't remember. But evidently a mention was enough to reimagine Sherlock Holmes as a buff, witty action hero.
The sequel will feature Nancy Drew as a stone-hearted ninja assassin and Inspector Gadget as a mercenary-for-hire with a chainsaw and a pickaxe.
I don't think David Yates sucks. I think he's much better than Chris Columbus. That's not saying a whole lot, since Chris Columbus has the directing ability of a rhesus monkey, but there you go. I do think Yates lacks a certain poetry. Alfonso Cuarón is so much more gifted -- which may be why he didn't come back.
I stand by my brief review: Half-Blood Prince is a placeholder movie, treading water, as you said, until the next movie arrives. Splitting up the next one is a good idea, I think, by the way: Apart from making the studio more money, the last three books are all too long for one movie. Cut out parts and you end up with this movie, where all the connecting stuff is removed in favor of running out the clock.
I couldn't really tell if this movie was as bad as you say, though, because I've never seen another Harry Potter movie all the way through. I was going on what I remember from the books, and my memory's not that great for detail. So when we get scenes like Hermione sending her birds after Ron I can't remember if that was in the book or not. Or the bit about Lily's fish gift to Slughorn.
Other scenes simply make almost no sense -- it took me a bit to figure out when Harry was talking to Mr. Weasley because he wasn't named and if you don't know "This actor plays Mr. Weasley" it's hard to be sure. Similarly with Tonks and Remus. Not that I quite remember how they fit into the books; I read Half-Blood Prince when it was published and that was, like, a hundred years ago.
So I sort of accepted this movie as yet another Harry Potter movie which Harry Potter movie people would follow and enjoy and the rest of us would sort of tag along.
Regarding Sherlock Holmes and the martial arts: I seem to remember allusions to his knowing some, and I remember one scene where a strongman, to threaten Holmes, bends an iron bar and storms out; Watson is amazed, but then Holmes says something like, "I'm not as beefy, but..." and bends it back.
But it seems to me the main thing about Holmes is his intelligence. Downey can portray that really well, but instead we're going to have him get into a fight with a big sweaty guy with a sledgehammer. I don't get it.
Nancy Drew as a ninja, though, that'd be AWESOME. Let's get Emma Roberts to reprise the role, too. She's over eighteen now.
Also, am I the only to notice that Rupert Grint has turned into a giant weightlifter? I can't believe any of them would be menaced by Malfoy now, not with the Incredible Red-Headed Hulk on their side. If he gets any bigger he can play Hagrid.