As if there aren't enough reasons to worry for the state of civilization, Fast & Furious managed to have the best opening weekend of 2009 despite being such an obvious retread of the first not very good movie Universal couldn't even invent a new name for it. It beat out the equally obviously mediocre Monsters vs. Aliens, the main purpose of which seemed to be furthering the experiment to calculate, to the third decimal place, how quickly Seth Rogen can wear out his welcome. And that film topped Watchmen's opening weekend. At least one movie's strong opening makes some kind of sense: Who didn't want to see Billy Crudup naked?

All of this horror pales, however, if you give in to your curiosity and visit Box Office Mojo to see that the top domestic gross taken by any film this year so far is $143 million or so for Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Which can only mean there's more Kevin James in our future.

Unfortunately, Kevin James' particular brand of mediocrity has been found to penetrate even the most robust bomb shelter, so this Apocalypse will be unpleasantly complete.